Friday Snippets: When the Centre Cannot Hold
Sorry for the sporadic updates this week, but I promise that once things settle down, I will have a more regular update schedule. This week is our last with Iris for a while, so I hope this helps endear her to you guys a little more. Next week, we join back up with Dell in Columbia and we'll be neck deep in the action (imagine the trailer guys deep voice over this).
Let me know what you think and please leave a link to your own Friday Snippet!
Copyrighted, do not reproduce, material liable to change. Etc.“The governor? The National Guard?” the man behind the barricade chuckling now, a terrible sobbing sound that sent shivers through Iris’s chest. “There is no state, man. No state, no government, nobody. We’re on our own.”
“If there’s no state, by whose authority do you hold the road?” Iris called, “Please, just let us through. All we want is news of what’s happened!”
“By whose authority?” the man called. All of his laughter had fled. “By this authority.”
He stood, a heavy gun cradled in the crook of his arm like some horrible monster. Sweat slid down his face despite the morning cool, a heavy ammunition belt slung low on his hips. Iris drew back; the man saw it and smirked.
"What's happened, little lady, is that the world's gone to hell," he said. He took a pull on his dying cigarette, his face twisting in disgust. He flicked ash and ember.
“I was there two days ago when the nukes hit. Governor’s dead.” The gun swung across the road and held them in its sights."What's happened, little lady, is that the world's gone to hell," he said.“I was there two days ago when the nukes hit. Governor’s dead."
“They got Raleigh in the first wave – with D.C. Portsmouth, and Charleston. Atlanta, Chicago, and St. Louis in the next half hour. All gone. Anything else you wanted to know?”
Under her arms, Iris felt Andrew blanch. "Our cars, our radios?"
"The EMPs from the bombs. One nuke would done most of it," the man said. "But all of those? There's nothing left except a few old cars that might still run. Now get off our road."
Andrew's chest had gone tight. Iris knew what they heard from the thieves on the road was true; what Andrew feared in the burned wanderers was true. Iris bowed her head against his back.
“You can at least let us through to the Traveler’s Rest,” Andrew tried. Iris could hear the desperation in his voice. And she knew if she could hear it, the men could hear it, and she knew what that meant. The man with the gun smiled, and it was all teeth.
"I've heard this before," he said. He popped his pack of cigarettes against heel of his hand and pulled on free. The lighter flared like the morning through the dew. "You'll go to the Traveler's Rest, you'll go to Ashville. And then you'll want to see the cities for yourselves. Then you'll want medicine, then our doctors, then our guns and ammo. So, in the end, anarchy is loosed upon the world...as they say."
The grenade sailed out against the cold blue morning sky, black and streaming smoke in a tattered banner behind. When it tinked across the pavement, Iris felt Andrew wind tight. She reached around, gripped his wrist and dragged down on the reins. The horse reared. The detonation took the beast full in the chest and the concussion rolled over them in almost visible waves. There was nothing but smoke.
Iris rolled into the ditch, dragging Andrew after her. The roar of the barricade gunfire was deafening, but Iris wasn't sure she could have heard her own heart beat in those blind moments. And then her chest was aching. She couldn't breath. The sun had climbed up high, and she could hear Andrew calling her. He was beside her, forcing her to stop. Her throat was raw and her shirt hung heavy with sweat. The road was far behind.
She slumped down against a jut of stone, covering her face with her hands. She couldn't seem to think of words to say and that she could only wipe at snot and sweat, flushed with fear and embarassment. But Andrew was beside her.He was talking, and his voice was a strange lull of nonsense and comforting phrases. He cradled her face in his hands, pushing back her blood-stiff curls. Her tears made mud on her cheeks."You know that's why I love you, don't you?" he said. The words were like a rush of cold water. He said, "Because you'll always look me in the eye."
“Iris,” he said. “Iris, I want you to look at me.” And somehow, she did. He smiled and it was strange on his pale face and the smear of purple bruise across his cheekbone. “You know that’s why I love you, don’t you?” he said. The words were like a rush of cold water. He said, “Because you’ll always look me in the eye.” And that was when he kissed her for the first time.
So say we all.
Bri
18 comments:
i love that last bit. how andrew gets her attention, brings her back to the NOW before she can succumb to the despair engendered by the shock of the violent concussive blast of the grenade and of the knowledge that the world she knows is gone.
it is going to be hard to wait until the next snippet with iris and andrew. but i'm anxious to get back to dell too.
btw Joystory had to move back to blogspot again. the explaination is in my TT.
Excellent stuff - particularly the gun as a 'horrible monster'. A good sense of realism to everything.
Typo patrol: "She couldn't breath" is missing an e... and you've got two paragraphs starting "What's happened, little lady..."
wow, Bri, that was great! I thought they would just turn them away and they'd have to come up with something to do next. Grenade? Didn't see that coming.
And yeah, what a time for a declaration and a first kiss! Good job.
You have double "“What’s happened, little lady, is that the world’s gone to hell," in there... looks like you did a fix and didn't take one part out. :) Oh Ian beat me to it.
Love the kiss in the midst of chaos!
What a time to declare your love! But I really liked that, the strange contrast between the horrible situation they are in, then the destruction that's just happened around them, and then... love.
Kind of a cool statement on life, that no matter what's going on around you, people will still have and express emotions.
So much stuff always happens in your blurbs. I'm all shocked and then---hey did they shoot the horse, I may cry--and then Andrew kisses her and that's always a woo (because of course I come from romance roots and I'm into that...) I'm exhausted now...
Yay! I'm so glad you guys liked this. The romance thing is not so much my forte, but I'm glad it worked well. :D
Thanks for the heads up on the mistakes Iant and Crystal! It's fixed now - and I figured out how to make my pullquotes go to the left AND right. :) Thanks!
And yes, Maggie, their horse is dead by the grenade. Sorry :( What's worse is the thieves stole their other horse, so now, regrettably, Iris and Andrew are on foot with crazy-grenade-throwing militants and burned wanderers.
I figured that was a great place to leave them for a few weeks *g* Again, I'm so glad you guys liked this - I should be by later today after class to read your snippets!
First kiss in chaos, looking each other in the eye with devastation all around. Well done. Now I'm asking what about NY, LA, Dallas? Are they gone too?
**le sigh*** you know I loved that one!!!!! That was perfect! Iris keeps her head and . . . Andrew does too! You took the desperation and expressed it through both of them extremely well! Certainly did NOT see the grenade coming!!! Very very good place to leave off, and very good definition of characters . . . we still are left hanging becuase we don't really know all that much about Iris and Andrew's characters? and now hopefully we'll have the chance to get to know Dell a little more too . . . the lack of details and the large amount of action is definitely keeping me hanging! I lurv it! but, the snippets are killing me! :D
Great post. I haven't had any time for Friday snippets in a long, long time. Glad your move went well. Any interesting courses this year (I'm a school junkie, love to learn until the exam part EEP).
I know in a few years I will be saying "I knew her when..." You and your writing are going places.
I would love to see a memeber post from you.
Just send it to me at:
coffeebarchick@msn.com
Much bloglove,
Frances
Wow, that's a powerful scene.
Though it shows I'm not much of a romance reader, my reaction to the kiss was rather, why now, but well, if it gets her out of her trauma ... :)
That's a good snippet, and while I dislike what the soldiers do, I can understand it too.
One critique I would make is that I wasn't sure if she rolled into the ditch and stopped, or rolled into the ditch and took off running.
Other than that, this is a great bit!
The grenade took me by surprise, too. I don't know much about them, but is it possible for them to live through an explosion that takes out the horse right from under them?
I also like that they share their first kiss here. Nice way to pull her back from the depths of shock.
Yup. It just gets worse and worse. Good job.
Good job! Iris and Andrew just can't seem to catch a break! Except for the kiss, of course. Nice.
Frag grenades, the evil little things, are designed to blow shrapnel into everything within a radius of fifty feet. If the horse didn't fall on the grenade, or if they were closer to the grenade than sixteen feet, it's likely that Andrew (being in front) picked us some shrapnel in his legs. It's good they were up in the air. Fragments go more out than up, so the closer to the ground, the more damage.
Soldiers generally carry frags, but you could have them carrying offensive grenades, which are lethal at close range (7 ft) but not so much outdoors. Offensives are designed for close range work, such as for use within buildings.
Sorry for the blog hijack! I did some research on grenades not too long ago!
Awesome post. I didn't see the hand grenade coming either. Have a great weekend.
P.S. Your mr linky on my post for this week actually went somewhere else. Very interesting, but didn't link here.
bri...you mean to leave us hanging in greenville beyond next friday...aw shucks!
i like your turmoil post-grenade & your placement of Andrew's declaration of love.
the only places that were a bit confusing were the repeated paragraphs "what's happened, little lady..."
&
"Under her arms, Iris felt Andrew blanch. "Our cars, our radios?"
"The EMPs from the bombs. One nuke would done most of it," the man said. "But all of those?"
in the above quote it seems a bit choppy & unclear...i follow what you are saying, but had to read it through twice very carefully
i am thoroughly hooked on your snippets!!
hope school adjustment is going well!!
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