Friday, August 17, 2007

Friday Snippets: The End of the Line at Omega

I changed my mind. Iris gets a snippet next week to finish this section. Figured she needed another and I like her so far - she has potential to be a great contrast to Dell.

I identify much more with the Dell character, so naturally, it's the easier for me to write. Who do you see yourself as? Are you a Dell or an Iris? An Andrew or Caleb? If any of you are Corleones (Dell's cat), you rock so hard.

Anyway, this week picks up from the last snippet. Journeying from Andrew's farm in Greenville, they are robbed of one of their horses and very nearly their lives. But they do learn Ashville has been nuked. After Iris rescues Andrew from the thieves, they flee into the night. So, this week...

Let me know what you think and please leave a link to your own Friday Snippet!

Copyrighted, do not reproduce, material liable to change. Etc.
Iris stirred, dew heavy in her hair. She dreamed fire and mushroom clouds, bones bleached under the sun and oceans burned to ash. She dreamed of home and the long summers after graduation when she sat on the beach alone.

Half-awake, she felt for the silver chain around her neck, hidden below her shirt. The smooth metal against her fingertips and the pendent over her heart were reassuring. She opened her eyes in the dark before dawn. Andrew’s jacket covered her but the place beside her where he should have lain was cool. She sat, shouldering into the over-long sleeves.

Andrew sat across from her, his face a blur of shadow. She shrank back when she saw the long gun across his knees.

“What’s wrong?”

“Iris,” he said. His face was very pale. When they stopped their mad ride from the thieves on the road, both had agreed to sleep the night through and continue in daylight. His hair was ruffled and wild. He looked as if he hadn’t slept.

“Iris, there’s something you need to know. While you were sleeping, I saw–” He cleared his throat. He wouldn’t look at her. “I saw others on the road.” Iris felt something cold settle against her heart. Her fingers clenched around the sweat-stiff fabric of his coat. “They were burned, Iris. From head to toe. And they didn’t speak. I don’t think they could.”

He shivered, his face twisting horribly. She could smell his sickness and her stomach turned. She wrapped her arms around herself, imagining ghostly figures slurring out of the fog. Andrew’s voice dropped. He seemed to look through her. “They didn’t see either. They just walked. We can’t stay here.”

“Jesus, Drew.”

“They’re coming from the Traveler’s Rest,” he said. “I just wanted you to know when we ride down there…I wanted you to know what may be waiting for us.” She nodded, swallowing nothing but fear, like freezing fire. He mounted and pulled Iris up behind him; when they stepped tentatively onto the road, her eyes widened.

Through the morning mists and dawn shadows, a large track tank crouched like a nightmare in the street.


As their horse reared, Iris clung to Andrew; she could feel his heart thundering through his back. Through the morning mists and dawn shadows, a large track tank crouched like a nightmare in the street. Behind concrete barricades and sandbag hovels, men in olive drab sighted down machine gun barrels. A voice, thin with stress called out in the dusky morning shadows.

“You are under orders to turn back. No civilians are allowed past Checkpoint Omega. Return to your homes!”

“We’ve come for news,” Andrew called. “Our power’s been out for about three days and nothing – not cars or cell phones or computers – nothing works. We’re from Greenville. What’s going on? Has the governor called out the national guard?”

And that was when the man behind the barricade began to laugh.

So say we all.
Bri

18 comments:

IanT said...

Lovely second sentence, and the image of the burned walkers is particularly filmic.

Unknown said...

I would be closer to Iris than Dell I think. I like the way they are coming to realise that this is serious; that there's no-one coming to rescue them.

Kait Nolan said...

Oooo, creepy! Of course I'm assuming that these guys are like government something or other...can't wait to see what happens.

Susan Bischoff said...

I really enjoy this story. I think I have an 80's child's thing for post-apocolyptic movies and stuff anyway. Yeah, the burned walkers-- way creepy! Nice!

Joely Sue Burkhart said...

Oh, man. This is killing me to get these little chunks! Which is good. :-)

Crystal said...

Can't wait to read the story from end to end...the snippets are a killer!

The barricade guy laughing sort of threw me--I'm assuming that he's laughing because everything is chaos, there is no national guard, maybe no governor, etc. But I guess without the rest of the snippet to guide me, the laughing seemed strange and cruel. Even if all that was true, would he laugh? Wouldn't he be just as upset in his own way even if he still has to work? Unless he's part of the powers that be that sent all the bombs? Just made me think more than you might have wanted me to. I think I need to see more of the exchange. :)

Anonymous said...

I like it! I need to read the backlog of snippets before I pick Dell or Iris though. Great imagery.

Gabriele Campbell said...

I think the laugh fits the scene. There's a point when madness and despair turns over, so to speak, and becomes grotesque.

Great image of the burned people.

Though I'm still more a Dell girl, lol.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Strong stuff here. I love some of the descriptions. Especially at the beginning. I'm going to have the phrase "oceans burned to ash" stuck in my head for a while. (That's a good thing... only stuff that really gets my attention gets stuck in my head these days.)

For some reason this reminded me a little of the beginning of "Day of the Triffids" (I know that isn't spelled correctly... sorry). Which is makes sense, I guess, because that was a creepy post-apocalyptic kind of story, too.

Anonymous said...

No, you have it right, gypsy. It's "Day of the Triffids" by Brian Aldiss writing as John Wyndham.

Bri, great post! It's about time Iris and Andrew realized the deadly seriousness of this!

Me? Probably a Dell girl. LOL.

Nicole said...

Nice! She's in a really creepy situation, and seems to be handling it well (though still realistically).

I did have one question, though. The bit about her smelling his sickness had me wondering if you meant he'd been hurt the night before, had thrown up while she slept, or had some other disease that had some side effects I'm not used to. =)

IanT said...

Cheryl: Brian Aldiss writing as John Wyndham?

Um... as far as I know, they are completely different people. Brian Aldiss is still alive, whereas Wyndham died in 1969...

Sorry! That's trivia and not snippet-related. :-D

Jean said...

AH. And things continue to worsen.

Jocelyn Howard said...

I love it . . . as always, the shortness of these is beginning to kill me as well!! And . . . . I would have to say I'm an Iris girl :) although you tempted me to say that I identify with corleone . . . . just so I could rock hard! :D

At any rate, this story is developing really well, and I can't wait to see who and what Iris becomes, what Andrew's role in all this is, and how they fit in with Dell's situation . . . . well done!!!

Joy Renee said...

The laughter of the man at 'checkpoint Omega' makes me think he is more likely to be from one of the many militant survivalist groups scattered thruout the US who have been preparing and hankering for this apocolypse for decades. For them the fun would have just begun and their contempt for those who are unprepared is boundless.

but i could be reading my own prejudices into this. either way, the exchange is creepy.

reading stories like this in snippets is agonizing

Ann said...

Okay, you bring out the creepy guy, give him this mad doctor laugh, and just leave me there? And the burned walkers are wonderfully creepy. Can't wait for more.

qualcosa di bello said...

bri...fantastic! i can't wait for the next snippet...

Anonymous said...

Ian, you're right. Funny what games your mind plays on you over the years. John Wyndham wrote it, and he was the one that used various pen names. I don't know where my mind dragged in Brian Aldiss other than the fact they're both British. (grin)