Friday Snippet: Baseball at World's End
After trying to get the Snippets code to work all day, I sort of wanted to punch it in the face; I say thankee sai to Meryl for showing me how to get the autolinks to work. But as far as the snippet goes, here is the first of the post-apocalyptic-chick-lit. Any ideas for a title?
On the morning before the nuclear bomb went off over Columbia, Dell called in sick to her office. This was her ritual, every autumn, just before the first serious frost. The World Series was done and Dell and Daniel and the neighborhood boys would troop out to bid goodbye to the season.
With her voice still thick with sleep, it wasn’t difficult to convince the secretary of her sniffles or the gravel in her voice. When the girl, some intern they’d picked up from Mizzou, repeated the message and hung up, Dell bounded out of bed. Throwing on jeans, long sleeves and a jersey, she stumbled into her shoes. As she passed Corleone asleep on the counter, she ruffled the heavy tabby’s ears and tossed last night’s leftover fish into his bowl.
Ducking around the small herd of Tailor children as she stepped out the door, Dell called good morning with a glare. The oldest two swallowed snickers, having delighted in stomping on the floor above her room just before the alarm. Before their mother could ask her to watch the unruly brood, Dell swung into the stairwell. She breathed deep, tasting the frost. The chill snatched the last warmth of bed. As she stepped out into the back alley lot, she saw Daniel wave from across the green. Tossing her the catcher’s mask and shin guards, he slung his bat over his shoulder.
“Couldn’t find first,” he said, scratching at the blue shadow of his beard.
“What?” She smirked, fitting the mask over her face and flexing her fingers in her glove. He kicked the bag at his feet and home, second and third, a few mitts and a tattered baseball rolled out into the sparse grass.
That was when she saw it. Like a flare of sunlight, like dawn, except in the north of the city. Dell shielded her eyes, pushing the mask back. Daniel stared up at the sky, still clutching his bat. Mrs. Tailor paused on her balcony, a sheet draped her arm, her youngest clutched against her. A heavy shadow fell over the back alley lot. The city flinched, bleached white.
Dell gasped. The heat seared past them, blowing them back. She tasted dust and ash and blood. The glass walls of skyscrapers and apartment rises rippled, exploded, filling the air with what looked like starshine. The dew sighed into steam.
She felt herself screaming but she couldn’t hear, so it was hard to be sure. Silence roared through the city. Cars and buildings caved and crumbled. And then God exhaled. Sound thundered over them, the force crushing them flat. The grass hissed and bowed low.
Dell O’Sullivan lifted her eyes and saw the slow roll of smoke. The blast hurled the clouds back and spewed lightning in rusted forks. The sky seethed mercury gray. In fire and smoke, the ringed mushroom cloud shivered the color of boiled blood and copper.
So say we all.
Bri
8 comments:
End of the world. So normal, and then so not. She tasted dust and ash and blood.
Where to from here? :)
Great start. So where does it go from here? Welcome to the gang!*g*
Lol, the way I read the opening at first, it sounds like the nuke was going off during or before she called in. Like, "Oh, mushroom cloud... wellllll, guess I'll call in sick today" :P
And I like the imagery a lot, I still just wanna know how you work around heat strong enough to ripple glass not burning out their lungs. ...though, if you want to burn some folks lungs out, you know I'm not going to object! :D
I like very much!! But, I will agree with ezra in the fact that how are they close enough to experience it and still survive? That is a bit confusing. But, other than that, It's great. I love the fact that she calls in sick to play baseball! brilliant! I have some more ideas for you, but I'll share those later :)
Thanks for the comments!! As far as how they survived - I've been reading Hiroshima survivor testimonies and some were within four or five miles of ground zero and survived. I'm referencing those for the possibilities of what could realistically happen. In the next snippet, Dell will probably get some explanation from government types as to what happened and how she survived, for the reader's sake. Again, thanks for reading :)
HOLY....!!!
What a way for a day off to go way way wrong!!
What I like most about this snippet is the immediate action, right from the start and through to the massive mushroom cloud.
I too had the same thought--how could they be so close? That's an interesting conundrum, how to get beyond people's misunderstanding of what happens in a nuclear blast. I always had the same thought when I saw the opening to BSG every time and wondered how on earth that Baltar and Six lived through that blast (oh yeah I'm BSG freak too). That's tough--how do you keep from people rolling their eyes at the beginning simply because they don't really understand the mechanics? Once you explained, I nodded and said, ahh ok then, but in the story you can't explain that fast--or can you? Therein lies the solution...
GREAT START!
Wait, YOU are a BSG fan? I'm not sure I could tell...
So say we all. ;)
Btw, my daemon is a crow too!
Wow, very powerful opening. From so normal, to within a few paragraphs, the end of the world. God exhaled--I loved that line! Welcome to Friday Snippets!
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